As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
