the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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