Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
