im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
