I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
