haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
