Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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