We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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