I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
