Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
