They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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