So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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