Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
