If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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