i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
