New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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