why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize