yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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