that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
