I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
