Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
