You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
