So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
