I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
