you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
