Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
