Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
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I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
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Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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