On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
