If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
