I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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