How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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