Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
