I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
