i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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