i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize