thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
