I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
