I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
