I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
