this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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