Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
