i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
