You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
