You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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