He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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