Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
