You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
