its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Holy shit dude........stairs
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
