We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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