I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
