Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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