I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
