Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
