i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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