May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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