GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
