There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
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i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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