I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
