if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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