I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
