Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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