How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I love having hate sex.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
