i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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