Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize