is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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