he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
