hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
