I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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