Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
