Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
