I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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