I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
