I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
