Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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