The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
