I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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