youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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