The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
