went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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