dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
