Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
