So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
