i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I intend to get homeless drunk
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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