you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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